The rearview mirrors of many cars carry the warning: "Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear."

What does this have to do with anxiety and depression?

In this week's Torah portion, Noach, we read about the Flood that destroyed all life on Earth. Only Noah and his family survived, along with the animals that entered his ark before the floodwaters came.

After the flood ended, Noah left the ark, facing the reality that the rebuilding of life on Earth depended entirely on him and his family. He planted a grapevine and got drunk. His son Ham, upon seeing his father naked in his tent, went out and told his brothers. The Torah describes how the two brothers, Shem and Japheth, "took a garment and both placed it on their shoulders. Then they walked backward and covered their father's nakedness. Since their faces were turned away, they did not see their father's nakedness."1

The description makes clear that they walked backward and kept their faces turned away precisely so as not to see their father in that compromising condition while covering him. Why, then, was it necessary to state explicitly that "they did not see their father's nakedness"?

Here lies a great teaching.

The Baal Shem Tov, founder of Chassidism, taught that nothing happens by chance; everything occurs through Divine Providence. It follows, then, that from everything one sees and hears, one must learn something — for if the event contained no relevant message for that person, why would G‑d have made them aware of it?

Following this logic: when one sees a fault in another person, it is for one's own benefit. But what could that benefit be? The Baal Shem Tov explains that when one sees a fault in another, it is as if one is looking in a mirror. If the face reflected in the mirror is dirty, it is because one's own face is dirty too. Since it is difficult for a person to recognize a fault in their own character or behavior, it is shown to them through another person. By seeing it — far more easily — in their neighbor, they are better positioned to reflect on themselves and ask whether they share the same shortcomings.

But if I see a fault in my neighbor, how do I know whether I'm being shown it so that I recognize it in myself — or because I'm in a position to help them?

The answer depends on what you see. Do you see a good person who has a problem, or simply a flawed person? If you judge the person and focus on their flaw, you most likely carry that same flaw yourself. If you focus not on the problem but on the solution, you were most likely shown it because you are in a position to do something about it.

Keeping this lesson in mind is a powerful tool. It allows us to see the "toxic" people in our lives as a challenge rather than a threat — and to recognize how much of life's toxicity comes from others versus how much is simply a reflection of our own.

The tool for this week: If the root of the problem lies within you, that is also where the solution lies.